Yama-Yama: Uh, so Master P, I've been thinking about expanding my musical horizens a little bit, you know, and so I wanted to know...how do I write a rap song?

Master P: Well, you see, bro', that's your problem. You don't write a rap song; you splice it! You's got to splice a rap song! That's how's it be goin' on nowadays. Waschawaschawaschawa!! You's got to splice a rap song. Waschawaschaweh waschawaschadeo wachu! You know what I'm sayin'?

You's got to feel the beat.
You's got to feel the soul.
You's got to feel all around.

Yama-Yama: Ah...I, I think, I think I can do that. So should I just rap what I have so far and you can give me tips as we go?

Master P: Yeah, that's right! Kick it bro'. I'll be working on the keyboards, gettin' all groovy on you.

Yama-Yama:

My Mother was a homey,
My father was a homey,
My brother was a homey,
But I don't got a brother.

'Cause my brother was a rapper,
A messed up screwy psycho,
He did not want to recycle,
We had to break the cycle.

Master P: What the hell do you think you're doing? Give me that mic, give me that microphone! Craz...crazy ass! Damn! You got, you got to splice it up! What the hell was that? What the hell you doin'? You tryin' to be a rapper?! You're a poser! You're a poser, dude! That's a piece of hell? Give me the microphone back! Man get the hell! You's got to splice it! Let me show you how it's done! You's got like this...

You's got to splice it up with the beats
You got to hit the beat! (x2)
You got to splice it up! (x3)
Like this...

Hear that? Hear that? That's rappin'. You's got to be rappin' You's got to be doing....

My mother was a homey! Yeah! Yeah!
My brother was a homey! Yeah! Yeah!
And I don't even have no brother! Yeah!

Put some energy into it. You's got to be ex-excited! You're talkin' 'bout your brother man. Your brother was a rapper? What happened to him? I want to know. But if you're gonna be a rappin' you got to be excited! Put energy! Splice it up!

Yama-Yama: Ok, sorry Master P. I'm just not experienced at these kind of things.

My brother was a homey,
My brother was a homey,
My father was a homey,
But I don't got no father.

Master P: What the hell you singin!? You changed the lyrics on me! What are you changin' the lyrics for?! First you had no brother, then you had no mother! What you changed the lyrics! You changed the lyrics! You can't change the lyrics! What the hell you doing'!? I...you...I wrote those lyrics. You got to read them as I say! You got to read them as I say! Those are THE lyrics. THE lyrics understand?! You be messin' with the lyrics! You gonna have no brother. You have to have a father! How come you don't have no father? You crazy dude! You crazy! Gimme that microphone!

Yama-Yama: I'm sorry, Master P, I was under a lot of pressure, you know, I couldn't remember the lyrics.

Master P: What do you mean you don't remember the lyrics?! You, you do one more time. One more time--I don't got all day!

(Keyboard)

What the hell!? What the--my power went out!! My power went out!! What the hell's this shit!!

Power Man: Uh, sorr, sorry. Uh, there's been a power outage.

Master P: What you mean there's been power outage?! Power outage--you don't undertand. Rapper need power. Power is the essence of rap. Spice girls don't have power. Spice girls don't have power. They may say they have power, they don't have power. MC Hammer--that dude had power. You feel it. You feel it walking down the street--say that guys had power. You know what I'm sayin'? Puff Daddy--man that's power. You'd be like Luke Skywalker--you get a lightsaber. That's right. I was walking...I saw a vision, I saw a vision--a lightsaber coming out of his head. That's right--Puff Daddy's got power.

I sah, I sorry, I can't work without my power. Power is what drives me on.

Yama-Yama: Ok, uh that's fine. You've helped me out a lot--enormously master.

Master P: Ah thanks, thanks. Thank you very much, yes.

Yama-Yama: Uh I think, I think I understand what you mean. Splice it up, you know.

Master P: Yeah, splice it up. Splice it up. That's, that's all you got to do--think splice it up.

My name is Captain Pete
I like to sail the seas
Been sailing for weeks
I'm off to kill the whale
I'm going to kill the whale
The big white whale
His name is Moby Dick (x2)
I'm going to...kill Moby Dick
My name is Captain Pete
I'm going to kill, kill Moby Dick--that's right!

You'd better watch out!!

It's so dark outside that (x3)
It's so dark outside I
Can't see what I'm drinking and I (x3)
Can't see what I'm drinking and this

Punk rock
Punk rocka
Punk rock
Punk rocka

Rhyme Busta
Punk rocka
Rhyme Busta
Punk rocka

Hey!, Yah!, Shee!, Shuh!, Yabluh!, Shaz!, Ugh!
I'm a dumb punk rocka
Drugged out rhyme busta
Sham (a lot)...shoo...

Hello, I am a Jamaican man

My name is Yama-Yama
I dance the macarena
Welcome to my jiggle
I like to call a tango

I've started a business
I expect it to sky rocket
Due to this commercial

5 dollar sucky sucky

And that is today's special discount price
Yama-Yama only deals with discounts
As I like to say, we're always on sale

5 dollar sucky sucky

What is this? What are you doing?
I am not finished yet
Stop being so dramatic, go back to the happy song.

Ah! As I was saying, you can visit me at one of my many locations
Or, contact me directly at [email protected], or

What is this? Stop it at once! Shut up you idiot!
What are you doing? I did not call for a solo!
I will have your head on a scimitar
Or better yet, I'll have you castrated and used for backup
You're utterly driving me insane
Keep that up, and I'll have to raise my prices
I am going to unplug you now

Ah! As I was saying...5 dollar sucky sucky :)

Lisa was her name. She sat across from me in Biology. We used to talk and laugh a lot about silly things. We had the same backpacks, same hobbies. So we went on a date in a park by my house. We talked about past friends and stuff--it was getting dark. We had fun playing on slides and swings a lot. The night wouldn't end. Lisa had the time of her life. Then this man appeared. He wanted her purse, but I wouldn't let him. He pulled out a knife, I grabbed a stick--we fought. My homework fell in the mud; he stabbed her twice in the gut. I screamed, he ran, Lisa died, the end.

Hello there, I'm a cowboy, from Texas.
Ya' understand what I'm sayin'
A cowboy, from Texas.
From Texas I am...All right.

I got me a secret...hyuck hyuck
I got, I got me a secret...hyuck

But yesterday, yesterday, see,
I wasn't always a cowboy,
Yesterday I was a cowgirl J

I got my rollerblades out on a sunny day,
Went to the hill where the kids used to run and play,
I had a hat on, my Green Day shirt on,
I took a deep breath then, I was gone.

Gone down the hill now, and I was backwards too,
I started going fast, didn't know what to do,
I didn't panick, just semi-freaked out,
I didn't say no prayer, yelled holy shit aloud.

Didn't see the speed bump, didn't see the speed bump,
Didn't see the speed bump, I went under the car.
(Repeat)

My knees were bleeding, was there a medic near?
That was the day that I learned to fear.
(Repeat) arrh...

Dark and spherical, the object sat in the soap dish

I did not want to bother its perfect symmetry, its calm pondering This illustrious object beckoned me to observe it more closely Bending down on the bathroom floor, I leveled my head, eye-to-eye with the swartish enigma. I touched it, feeling its texture, which was soft, yet slightly sticky. Rubbing my fingers together, I put them to my nose. The smell was repulsive, pungent, and unmistakable--the smell you only want to smell once, and never again. I fell over in agony on the bathroom floor--my eyes began to water. No, it wasn't thick or sweet enough to be chocolate, and it wasn't dirt. In fact, it was just a round clod of dookie.

I was a clown for Halloween (x2)
I got beat up (x4)
They stole my candy (x3)
I got a pitchfork (x3)
I went to there house, I got a pitchfork (x?)
But they weren't home!!
...next Halloween J